| New life.
I'm working on my attitude, I tell myself i need to discipline myself yet it's hard.
Living by yourself or with people that'll absolutely distract you from your goals it's really hard....
Getting sick is the worst part.
And the ironic thing is I can't even fall asleep
Things come back sometimes people have their underlying reasons for doing the things they need to do,
Sometimes they still treat you the same way, they still take care of you in a certain way and I kinda really appreciate it.
I feel terrible sometimes, but before then I get mad.... and maybe a little frustrated because situations didn't turn out the way it was suppose to be.
I'm starting to get use to doing work at really late at night, I guess I realized or taught myself that in order to succeed I needed to take some drastic changes...
Still though I'm not doing everything i need to do
I'm still not managing my time the right way...
I guess i really need to make a list or journal of what to do everyday..
It's a pain in the ass but maybe I need to study at school and get the work done before I go do other things...
I guess I'm learning more about how to be grown up.
I gotta say I haven't had that much fun in awhile, Peoples living styles of laziness really gets to me,
To me it's inconsiderate to leave a mess for other people but that's just the way i was brought up.
In the end I still love life, I'm happy even though i have so many things to work on. |
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| Irritable, when I hang out with a lot of people I'm normally irked already in meeting new people.
It's kinda weird cause I tell myself not to be so annoyed.
I guess inside of me I'm still fighting between the 2 forces.
But then I need to figure out what can calm them down.
Syncing them together I guess is what my goal is.
One moment I'm really happy and hyper, don't really think too much but just go with the moment.
Another moment, I'm irked, irritated with small things that people do.
Each time I have to remind myself to relax and really I do wonder about my own mind.
I guess I need to pick up a book that helps me deal with these dispositions head on.
Especially at large social gatherings I don't know if I prefer to meet a lot of people? or not?
It's kinda weird because I don't know if I'm sensing what the general population is like or.. I'm just apathetic.
What makes me want to meet new people? Well if they're girls then.. obviously there is advantage there.
There are habits that I don't like.
PEople being late and people who suck at picking up there calls and just suck at planning in general.
But I tell myself don't take it personally, you have better things to do.
But then... maybe my general mood is just pissed when i have to study for a exam  |
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| People go to college, that's one perspective of life. It's the norm to success.
People who are on the front line.
It's crazy. They question life and death in a instant....
Kill or to be killed.
Being desensitized.
It got me thinking a bit once listened to a iraq veteran at the house party.
So, I kinda thought... Honestly just ask yourself what would you do? |
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| Sometimes, different moments of the day I realize how tired I am..
And i wonder to myself contemplate what's really tiring me.
When I'm tired i wallow into a turtle, I don't really want to deal with everything,
It's like a comatose for life
I get kinda down cause I know i don't like being in this state and I wonder to myself.. What can I do?
These days I kinda close my eyes contemplate
I listen for the heart beat, wondering if anythings stimulating my system..
thinking about how my breath is inhaling and exhaling.
Somedays I wake up, and before I cross the street to chem building..
I take another breather and wonder.. All these students crossing... What is there intention and body language..
Then i think it's another nice day and that I'm glad to be alive. |
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| Is the culture used as a political agenda to control the populace?
Or is it the other way around? or could it be Vice versa?
Etc etc.. |
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